A dream that I would never want to revisit

Brian left for Taipei for a biz trip yesterday. I sent him to airport late in the afternoon, quickly kissed good-bye and I drove home, thinking life continues…………

Last night, I went to bed around 11:30pm, locked all the doors behind me and turned on alarm.

First, I woke up at 4am, which I almost shocked myself. I haven’t woke up in the middle of a night for a while.  I kept thinking why I woke up and then I finally realized it must have something to do with Brian being away……..

I tossed and turned for a while and I finally forced myself to sleep…….And it was when this terrible dream started:

For some reason, brian and all of my families are taking a boat ride to somewhere really far. Brian and my dad were sitting on the deck talking, in a sudden my dad pointed out to brian saying: “hmm, our boat is supposed to go the other direction, why the boat is turning towards Thailand and it is getting really close to the shore!! In a sudden , all the crew who worked on this boat came out to the deck with baseball stick on their hand. They started yelling at people, asking people to leave the boat by jumping into the water to walk up to the beach……. And whoever acted slow or not following order, they  use the baseball stick hit people to force them leave.  Sister and I were together holding hand at that moment, we stepped back when those crew member approaching us, and right before they raised their baseline stick trying to hit us, we both jumped into the water… I wanted to stop to wait for brian or other family members to find out where they are, whether they have jumped, but those crew members were so horrible , they threatened to beat us if we look back…..

So I walked, walked and some how we reached a building and we walked all the way downstairs till the bottom floor, where we stopped and desperately waiting for the rest of our families to show up. First I saw my mom, then I saw my brother walked down with a cousin of mine who is holding my sister’s baby daughter on his hand , lastly I saw my dad walked down slowly with some wound on him………The whole time while sister and I was waiting for families, i was crying hard, and when I saw father walked down alone without brian, my tears not only coming out of my eyes but also from everywhere in my body, I almost fainted, and I was crying really loud and hard………..

At this time, some officers from US embassy showed up, and they got a name list of everyone who were supposed to be on the boat, and I walked out to them yelling, there is still one more american named Brian XXX is still not off boat yet, please help him , please go get him!!!!!!!!!……..

And I woke up…….. with a broken heart…..

My chinese doctor has been giving me these herb medicines to help me quiet my mind when I go to sleep, which certainly didn’t help last night! But on the other hand, i was also kind of happy that I had that dream, because it helped me realize again how much I actually love my husband!!!It is strange that when you mentally think you will not miss someone, but in your subconscious or in your body, that person has become part of you without you realizing,  and you DO miss them indeed, you just don’t know it……

In china, there is a saying: you dream of what you are thinking of during the day….